Thursday, April 28, 2005

a story i found on a livejournal commnity

disclaimer:i found this on livejournal... someone wrote it and i saved it ages ago... i dont know it seemed sweet. i dont take any credit for it etc etc dont sue my ass

"We sat in a chair on the lawn that overlooked the tennis courts and pool and the field that didn't have any crops or animals (I'll never understand why you needed all that land just for a trampoline). I was barefoot, we both were now that I think about it we had gotten up and out of bed and walked down to the kitchen so that we could grab something to drink out of the refrigerator. I wonder now if I'll ever be comfortable enough with anyone else to walk in and open their refrigerator to ask their mother if there was anything she wanted from inside to play hostess when they have parties to be the one to grab the drinks. I suppose now I know that that isn't normal when you're 16 and barely that, but I didn't know that then. I think that was part of the reason it was so easy.

and it was raining, finely. i wasn't exactly getting soaked or anything but it made my hair begin to frizz around my face and you took your hands and pressed it back against where it was supposed to be. The sun was setting and you sat with your legs wide it was harder for me to sit on your lap that way i had to throw mine even wider to get to the outsides of yours, but i was always more flexible than you and you liked to remind me of it. Your hands were clasped and rested on my stomach and i scratched softly at your forearms (they were wider then, you've lost so much weight now). You didn't like to not be touching me. When we stood in lines for movies we always stood with your arms around my waist. We could never have been mistaken for close friends or anything like that wherever we were you found some way to touch me. You held my hand in malls even when you reached for your wallet to buy something and I suppose it looked strange to people that even when we were rehashing a story or something to friends you held me and kissed at my shoulders, but i got used to it. It's where I began the idle habit of leaning against peoples backs while they buy something or wait in a line, that way you wouldn't have to hold my hand. It looked so much less strange that way.

And so i guess that's why it got so hard for both of us to delineate where you ended and I began. We weren't able to decide what my responsibilities to myself were or to you or yours to me and where that ended, and sooner or later you started being completely responsible for both of us. And that's hard for a boy ( because that's what you are a boy, even now at 19 you're a boy). You shouldn't have had to hold us both up, but i didn't give you that responsibility you gave it to yourself, although i let you. I suppose I'm just as much at fault for that.

I guess that's why on that day in that place when we jumped out of bed and walked downstairs and I ran out of the door and then we sat on a chair in the rain and watched the sun go down while the high grass tickled our calves and my hair curled around my face and you kissed me hard on the mouth it made everything a little better. As if by kissing you made the load a little lighter.

and i used to think about stuff like that all the time. I do it less and less now.

I guess it's cause i woke up one morning and stopped loving you."


At 5:07 pm, Blogger bodie said...

how very cool that Lotte Moonshine has a blog! cool cool cool cool cool and so on...

At 5:09 pm, Blogger miss moonshine said...

HAHA! you write good comments
i espeically
likes this part >>"glee"


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