Sunday, May 08, 2005

Firstly you tell me not to call your home phone, then I hear that I’m not contacting you and you have to make all the effort… how am I supposed to communicate with you in any way if you’ve told me not to?
This is frustrating because I do care about you and worry about you, you’re me bliddy mate.
The only time I can see you is if I go to a gym class, which I gave a shot but came away feeling more crap than ever because I am not co-ordinated. Also the fact I don’t have time, and I’m tired. I can still talk though and I miss you a lot, though I get the feeling you’re no longer interested in maintaining a friendship. Which is disappointing considering everything that we’ve dealt with together, or not dealt with (but no ones perfect, no ones the perfect influence…and I did try and offer support where I sensed it was needed).
This is what I was most scared of when people started going to university, that there’d be even greater lines between groups. It’s true I don’t see many of you often, but that doesn’t mean I like you or value you any less. But I also have my own life, and just because (and lets be honest) many people are still stuck in the Walford frame of mind, that you’re only successful if you go to uni, so its hard to feel like I’m valued as a person, let alone as a friend. It feels like what I’m doing can’t possibly be as distinguished as what you’re doing, which means competition and that’s when I grow horns and become the bitch from hell. Which I don’t want to be, and you don’t deserve.
When have I said that university isn’t hard? It’s very hard from the sounds of it, and if I’ll goes to plan I’m goin’ there next year. So why the animosity?
All I would like is some sign that I’m not being a crap person by doing something for myself, which at the moment is working with elderly or disabled people. I find that work rewarding, as I hope you find university rewarding. And no washing peoples arses is not enjoyable, but knowing you’ve helped is. It just feels like people are looking down on me for doing it. Which I detest.
The main points are
· I miss you
· I still care about you and I’m worried
· I wish I could talk to you and figure out if I still stand in the same place
· Hopefully work out something that means we have regular communication

But you’re probably not reading this, even though I gave you my blog address ( I believe we were meant to keep in contact over it… since I couldn’t call/message you)


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